👋 Hi friends, it's Hesam with issue #20 of 4 bits. 4 bits is a biweekly newsletter where I share thoughts and musings on how to build memorable experiences.
Here's what I'm listening to: Nils Hoffmann, Kasbo, Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Running In A Dream (Spotify).
A couple quick updates:
I made it to 20 issues and nearly a year of writing this newsletter. I'm planning to continue the momentum heading into 2024.
I redesigned my website, https://hes.am, to focus more on projects and experiments then past essays. On the front page, I also link to the mixtape bot from the last issue. If you have a moment, visit the site and take note of what’s missing or could improve. Then, hit reply to this email and let me know.
Wow people and How people
"There are two types of people in a relationship: the wow person and the how person,” my friend tells me casually as we wait for our drinks to arrive.
We're the first customers of the day at a dimly lit dive bar. It’s 4 pm in the afternoon, but the dark decor and tinted windows make it seem like we’re closing up the place and are the last customers.
We sit at the bar, hunched over, trading stories. We haven’t seen each other for a while, and my friend is updating me about a couple that we both know.
One of the people in the relationship is a wow person. They have wild ideas. They dream big. They have a healthy dose of optimism, they're excited by the future, and they are always imagining what's possible. They're pushing the boundaries of what the other person is willing to do.
The other person is a how person. They're pragmatic. Their strengths are in execution and attention to detail. When possible, they take a wow person's ideas and try to mold it into something feasible and real. They keep the wow person in check, bringing them back down when they have lofty ambitions.
The wow person wants to move halfway across the country and start a new career. The how person thinks of the financial obligations and the number of big changes required to make this shift happen.
As our conversation at the bar continued, spanning everything from personal finances to the best pizza places in Houston, I kept thinking about how every relationship needs a wow person and a how person.
What happens if you don't?
A relationship with two how people means that you'll be great at executing the day to day, but lack the visionary bold ideas to make leaps. You'll likely stagnate and incrementally improve in what you do.
A relationship with two wow people would generate many big, ambitious ideas, but wouldn't be able to balance all their interests and directions you want to go. You'd make little meaningful progress on all these exciting ideas or burn yourself out trying to do so.
And the need for a how and a wow, a yin and a yang, doesn't just apply to relationships. It applies to designing experiences as well.
Ultimately, you want to delight people and go above and beyond. But we also need to be reasonable about what's achievable.
Sometimes I find myself too focused on the wow with little how. When I was planning the study abroad trip to Amsterdam last year, I wanted us to visit as many places as possible. There's public transit in the Netherlands, right? Should be easy. But in practice, the act of going from one place to another took time, was exhausting, and probably was more effort then it was worth.
Other times, lots of how with little wow is monotonous and not exciting. When I’m too focused on the how, I find myself caring about small details and the logistics that can slow us down. By removing room for error, I’m also constraining what’s possible.
Wow people are the dreamers, how people are the architects. Whether you're the kind of person who can switch between the two different modes or need someone to balance you out, having both is necessary.
Which one are you?
The idea of “wow” people and “how” people is so interesting! I like what you’re saying, about how any good relationship (or planning or project) requires both. And at the end, it seemed like you suggested each person should also have both “wow” and “how”. I feel like I can teeter totter in different seasons of my life, but over indexing on one is maybe not as great as a balance.